The Necro Critic

The other day I was on the IM with my spastic friend, Joel. What Joel didn't know was that I was feeding his messages into ELIZA, an early AI program designed to impersonate a psychologist. The following is the conversation we had.

Joel: Hi.

Necro: How do you do.  Please state your problem.

Joel: I'm not immortal. Fix it!

Necro: Is it because you are not immortal that you came to me?

Joel: Noooo, but I figured if you were offering, may as well aim high

Necro: Do you think its likely that I was offering?

Joel: You seemed to be interested in my problems

Necro: Your problems?

Joel: I didn't come here throwing my problems at you; you asked for them. So,there you go

Necro: Why do you say your problems at I I asked for them?

Joel: "How do you do. Please state your problem." I didn't say this; you did. Fact. So, there you go. My problem. You wanted it, you got it.

Necro: Perhaps in your fantasies we didn't say this each other.

Joel: That sentence didn't make sense

Necro: Earlier you said your problems.

Joel: So did you. Now why were you asking if you didn't want 'em?

Necro: We were discussing you -- not me.

Joel: You act like I sauntered into some genial conversation. You flatly demanded my problems, I provided them. So let's discuss you; what are you gonna do about it now that you have it?

Necro: Oh, I act like you sauntered into some genial conversation?

Joel: You've not exactly been polite, but I'm willing to forgive that. After all, you're only human

Necro: What makes you think I am only human?

Joel: Are you making claims now? Because it'd take more than a human to help me with my problems

Necro: Why are you interested in whether I am making claims now  or not?

Joel: Hey, I got a problem no human can solve. I wouldn't mind making the acquaintance of something more than human

Necro: You say you got a problem no human can solve?

Joel: I told you that, yes

Necro: Do you wish to told me?

Joel: I did, you know

Necro: Can you elaborate on that?

Joel: I'm not immortal, it's a problem. No human has ever solved it to the best of my knowledge

Necro: Do you believe it is normal to be not immortal?

Joel: I believe it's a problem I face; I make no claim for anyone else. Maybe it's not a big deal for them? I don't care. It's a problem for me.

Necro: Do you really think so?

Joel: I know it's a problem; I've got lots of stuff to do, no time to die

Necro: Do you say you know it's a problem i've got lots of stuff to do for some special reason?

Joel: If the truth is a special reason, then yes. Otherwise no; but that doesn't change the fact it's a problem

Necro: Do you wish that the truth is a special reason?

Joel: Well that depends. Do I need a special reason to get help for this problem?

Necro: What would it mean to you if you got a special reason to get help for this problem?

Joel: Well, it would obviously mean that I'd be on my way to dealing with the problem

Necro: Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you?

Joel: I never claimed to own anything but a problem

Necro: That's quite interesting.

Joel: So, what of it?

Necro: Why do you ask?

Joel: Well, I need to deal with this problem. If you can't help then you're rather wastingmy precious remaining life moments

Necro: Why do you want to deal with this problem?

Joel: We covered this

Necro: Earlier you said your problems at I I asked for them.

Joel: Let's go ahead and assume I did; what of it? Will you help or not? Answer or I waste my time elsewhere

Necro: I'm not sure I understand you fully.

Joel has logged off...